Introduction
In my “Reflect on 2021, Welcome 2022” blog post, I shared my anxiety, stress and frustration about Covid, separation from family, and job hunting in 2021. This winter break, I finally got to spend time with my family in Taiwan after 3.5 years away! It was a mixed feeling. The joy and excitement I feel are difficult to describe in words.
Although uncertainty still prevailed in 2022, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The quarantine restrictions have been lifted since I moved to Hong Kong. It has been a pleasure working at my new school and meeting wonderful colleagues. However, assisting my children in adjusting to a new country and a new school has not been as easy as I had expected. New parents who wrote to me to share their child’s challenges moving to a new school completely resonated with me. We may feel guilty as parents and wonder if we made the right decision for our children. Things are starting to turn around thanks to the resilience of my children and the support of my husband. It felt like a well-earned holiday for my family!
This blog post reflects on my practice of radical acceptance in the year 2022. The practice of radical acceptance has helped me reduce my anxiety and stress by letting go of the need to fix or change things that are out of my control. It is not easy to practice radical acceptance, but when I do so, I acknowledge and accept the reality of what is happening. Keeping my focus on what I can control helps me let go of unproductive efforts to change or manage things. As a result, there is a sense of peace and acceptance, which helps reduce my stress and anxiety. Furthermore, I feel it helps me become less judgmental, which is hard to do when one tries to be perfect. If you feel that things are out of your control or you are unsure what to do next, I hope this post might be helpful.
What is radical acceptance?
Radical acceptance involves being kind and attentive to our experience, including both our capacities and limitations, and then living creatively with them. This is about letting go of expectations of how life should be, and instead accepting it as it is. It does not mean that we agree with or approve of the situation or person, but rather that we recognize and acknowledge the reality of what is happening or who they are. Practicing radical acceptance involves accepting the things we cannot change and letting go of the need to control or change them. It also involves being mindful of our thoughts and feelings and responding to them with self-compassion, care and understanding. Radical acceptance can be a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety, improving relationships, and promoting personal growth and development. This tool allows us to become aware of our intentions and the consequences of our actions. The blog post Radical Acceptance: Definition, Skills, & Exercises provides more information.
The following are 12 radical acceptance practices that I have learned from Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance. The concept of radical acceptance was introduced to me by my friend Ana, and I am grateful for that. This graphic was created last year. In reviewing the radical acceptance practices this year, I am adding more explanations and details.
Relax and enjoy who I am and what I’m doing
It is easy for teachers to get caught up in the pressures of meeting demands and living up to expectations. To stay connected to our purpose, we need to practice self-care and make sure to take time for ourselves. One way of doing this is to find a sense of relaxation and enjoyment in who we are and what we’re doing.
This can be done by setting aside time each day to meditate, exercise, cook, spending time outdoors and any activity we enjoy. In addition, taking a few moments each day to give ourself positive affirmations and reminders of our purpose can help us stay connected and maintain a sense of peace throughout the day. Reading motivational quotes also helps me focus my energy, thoughts, and actions. Taking time out to do activities we enjoy also increases our productivity, as I wrote about in my blog post, 10 Ways to Increase Teacher Productivity and Efficiency.
Bring a kind attention to our capacities and limitations and continue to live creatively
When we practice radical acceptance, it helps to bring a kind attention to our capacities and limitations. By recognizing both our strengths and weaknesses, we can begin to understand what our limits are and where we need to put in extra effort to improve. Through this understanding, we can create a more balanced approach to life, seek support and resources when needed, and develop new skills and ways of thinking that enhance our quality of life.
Rather than becoming stuck in perfectionism, we challenge ourselves to find creative solutions when we come across obstacles or limitations. This allows us to develop the skills and flexibility needed to thrive, not only in our teaching, but in our lives as well. We can try new things and learn from our mistakes. Embracing our imperfections and finding our own unique path can help us grow and experience the world differently.
Discover how to love ourselves into wholeness instead of striving for perfection
Instead of striving for perfection, radical acceptance means embracing our imperfections and accepting ourselves as we are. We can begin to move toward radical acceptance by letting go of the judgments and criticisms that can hold us back and instead focus on self-compassion and self-care. In accepting ourselves and our lives as they are, we can begin to let go of the judgments and criticisms that can hold us back. By doing this, we can feel more grounded and at peace with ourselves, which can lead to a feeling of wholeness and well-being.
Pause and make ourself available to whatever life is offering us in each moment
Making ourselves available to whatever life has to offer in each moment can be helpful in practicing radical acceptance. By pausing and being present, we can begin to notice and accept our thoughts, feelings, and experiences as they arise, rather than trying to avoid or control them. It is easy to become distracted by our phones or our thoughts. Take a moment to notice when we are getting distracted and let go of these distractions.
Practicing radical acceptance doesn’t mean that we should accept everything as it is without trying to change it, as the author explicitly stated. Rather, it involves accepting what we cannot change and taking steps to address and improve what we can. Pausing and being present can be a helpful way to get in touch with our own feelings and needs, and to better understand what we can and cannot change in our lives. This can help us find a balance between acceptance and action, and move forward with clarity and direction. During those days of quarantine, online teaching, job interviews, and family separation, I was able to find some peace through this practice.
Pausing interrupts entrenched patterns, helps us reconnect with the present moment, and discover possibilities in life
When we pause, we have the opportunity to notice patterns in our behavior and thoughts that have become so familiar that we may no longer be aware of them. These entrenched patterns can often lead us down a path of negativity, stress, and unhappiness. Pausing allows us to take a step back from these patterns and gain a new perspective on the situation. When we take the time to pause and really think through our options, we can often find unexpected solutions and pathways forward.
We can also use pausing to reconnect with the present moment. Instead of worrying about the future or ruminating about the past, we can bring ourselves into the here and now. When we are fully present in the moment, we can begin to recognize the opportunities and possibilities around us that we may have otherwise missed.
Put down ideas of what life should be like; we are free to wholeheartedly say yes to our life as it is
When we put down our ideas of what life should be like and free ourselves from the weight of our expectations, we are able to say yes to our lives as they are. It’s not about resigning or giving up on our dreams, but about actively releasing control. By holding onto rigid ideas about how things should be, we can become stuck in behaviors and patterns that aren’t aligned with our values. Our lives can be filled with frustration and disappointment as a result of this, making it harder for us to find joy and fulfillment. As soon as we let go of these ideas and accept our lives as they are, we can feel more liberated and autonomous. In this way, we can feel empowered and in control of our lives, and we can move forward with purpose and direction.
Mindfulness of the body leads to happiness in this life and helps reclaim our spirit
Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and noticing what is happening around us. By paying attention to our bodies, we can become aware of sensations, feelings, and emotions. The practice of mindfulness in this life leads to a greater sense of happiness and well-being. By being aware of our body’s physical needs and allowing ourselves to be at ease, we can discover a sense of connection with ourselves, others and the world around us.
Observing desire without acting on it enlarges our freedom to choose how we live
When we observe our desires without acting on them, we create space to step back and gain a broader perspective on the situation. This allows us to assess whether a certain action would truly be beneficial or not and if it is worth pursuing. We can become more aware of our actions and their potential consequences, allowing us to choose our actions more mindfully.
Not only does observing desire without acting on it increase our freedom to choose how we live, but it can also reduce our sense of attachment and dependency on things or people outside of ourselves. The more we realize that our desires don’t necessarily determine our happiness or well-being, the more self-reliant and self-assured we become. By being mindful of our impulses and making deliberate decisions based on our values, we can create meaningful lives that are rooted in self-acceptance and inner peace.
Instead of getting caught up in worrying or trying to fix things, we can lean into fear
Fear can be an uncomfortable emotion, but it is a natural part of life. It is an emotion that tells us something needs attention. Instead of trying to fix or change fear, we can see it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and become more resilient. The more we lean into our fear, the more we open ourselves up to new opportunities and possibilities. As we learn more about ourselves, we may ask ourselves “Why am I afraid?”, “What am I afraid of?” or “How can I use this fear as an opportunity for growth?” Our understanding of ourselves and the world is enhanced when we acknowledge and embrace our fears rather than getting caught up in worrying or trying to fix them.
Embrace our vulnerability and accept ourself with compassion and kindness
By embracing our vulnerability, we are able to deepen our connection to ourselves and others, and learn about ourselves. It is essential that we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable when taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones. Instead of judging and criticizing ourselves, we can practice compassion and self-love. Our mistakes, shortcomings, and imperfections are part of life’s lessons. We can move forward with clarity and confidence once we have accepted where we are in life.
Softening our hearts together opens up our circle of compassion – we are real and matter to each other
We are all human, with our own individual strengths and weaknesses, and that no one is perfect. This can help us to cultivate a sense of empathy and connection with others. When we soften our hearts towards each other, we create a space for understanding and compassion. Compassion can keep us connected even in difficult times. We can support each other through difficult times, and remind each other that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. When we open our hearts to each other, we build trust and create a safe place for meaningful conversations and real connections.
Relationships with others matter
My tendency is to want some solitude and quiet when I am experiencing a hectic week. It’s no problem for me to stay home during the weekend and not leave my apartment. That is why cultivating meaningful relationships with others is so important. Having other people in our lives who are supportive and encouraging can help us dismantle the walls of our isolation and remind us of our inherent belonging. Due to schoolwork or projects, I sometimes neglected my family, and I don’t feel great about it. I intend to be more patient and spend more time with my family and friends in 2023! Making connections with others gives us an opportunity to share our struggles, successes, and feelings in a safe space. These connections can provide invaluable emotional support and help foster a sense of belonging.
Conclusion
Practicing radical acceptance has helped me navigate life with more awareness, openness, and connection. Having the opportunity to reflect and be mindful of what is going on around me allows me to be more present in each moment. Radical acceptance slowly teaches me to let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability. It is not easy to follow these practices. That’s why I decided to review and remind myself about radical acceptance practices. In 2023, I hope to become more adept at practicing them. You can download the poster in PDF format if you are interested in radical acceptance practice.
Hi Alison,
I enjoyed reading this entry as this is something I need to do this year as well. I feel I have been in a kind of roller coaster when dealing with making decisions or rather indecisions about what to do after taking some time off teaching. “Letting go” of previous life patterns, jobs or lifestyles is difficult to do and it is a long process. Coming to terms with “my life as it is” and “wholeheartedly” saying yes to it sound like an excellent starting point.
Thank you for posting this. Lots of good stuff in it!